When a child is diagnosed with cancer, it can change and reshape family relationships. The added pressure put on parents and carers, can often have an impact on the child. A child may feel lost or overwhelmed with the quick changes that are happening. One parent may be busy at the hospital with the child, talking to doctors and nurses and the other parent may be preoccupied with other responsibilities at home with the child’s siblings. Their structure and routine are often disrupted and their daily schooling and extra-curricular activities may come to a halt.  

The emotional impact of cancer on the child 

Each child is different, and depending on age and personality, some, may internalise their emotions and some may express their emotions outwardly. Some of the emotions they may be feeling include: 

Sadness 

A child who has been diagnosed with cancer might feel a deep sense of loss because their everyday routines, like going to school, playing games, and participating in sports, are disrupted. These changes can feel isolating and overwhelming for a child. One child describes it like ‘being caught under a dark cloud’, especially after experiencing prolonged periods of sadness, hopelessness, or loss of interest in their usual activities.  

Anger  

It’s understandable for children to feel frustrated and even angry because having cancer seems so unfair (why me?). A child’s whole world is turned upside down by a cancer diagnosis, with hospital visits, procedures, scans, and more, suddenly becoming a big part of their life. It may feel like they are losing control of the life they once knew, which can be tough to handle.

There are many emotions children can experience under the surface such as:  

• Worried  
• Annoyed  
• Frustrated  
• Scared  
• Unsure 
• Overwhelmed  

It’s natural for children to feel overwhelmed by a mix of emotions, especially when they feel like everything is out of their control. It’s not uncommon for them to experience what adults might term as a ‘tantrum’ or ‘meltdown.’ When faced with this situation, it’s important for parents and carers to prioritise their own emotional regulation, ‘put your oxygen mask on first.’ This may involve taking a few cleansing deep breaths to ground yourself before speaking to your child.  Next, you might want to ask yourself, ‘what is my child feeling or thinking?’ ‘What do they want or need right now?’ By understanding what is happening and talking to your child about it, can help a child feel heard and validated. So much lies beyond a child’s control through the cancer experience, offering choices of things they can control can provide them a sense of purpose and meaning in their lives.  

Look for things in their environment that they can control: 

• Let them make choices with the food they eat  
• Choosing a book to be read  
• Choosing a program to watch on tv or YouTube  
• Selecting items that can provide comfort  
• Involvement in treatment decisions  
• Choosing the clothes they wear  
• Deciding on activities during treatment  
• Decorating their hospital room  
• Choosing to have with them when going to appointment 

Fear or anxiety 

Children might be afraid because of their cancer diagnosis and all the doctors and nurses examining them, which can make them feel uncomfortable and uncertain about when the next scan, blood test or fasting for a procedure will happen. 

Some children will experience separation anxiety and will often need reassurance everything is going to be okay from a parent. Sometimes only one parent can make the journey with their child from regional parts of Australia. This may be the child’s first time away from home, away from their siblings and the other parent or carer and friends. Feelings of fear can create anxious thoughts and can sometimes manifest into various physical symptoms such as stomach aches, headaches, weakness, fatigue, and/or sleep problems.  

Providing a feeling of safety and security to a child can help settle any upset feelings they might be having. Thinking about where your child finds most comfort can help relieve some of these unsettling emotions. This could be giving them cuddles to provide reassurance. It could be taking the time to not only explain what is happening but asking them to repeat it to you to confirm their understanding and praising them for being interested in their care. It could also be having regular video calls to a sibling or parent they have been separated from.  

Guilt

Some children may feel guilty or worry about how their cancer diagnosis is impacting other members of the family. They may feel they are being a heavy burden on their family or missing out on activities that their siblings or friends can still participate in.  

This guilt can appear in various ways, including blaming a parent for their cancer and grappling with the reasons behind their diagnosis. This shift in blame can serve as a coping strategy, providing a temporary release from emotional distress caused by the realisation of having cancer. It’s important to communicate to your child that cancer is nobody’s fault – neither their nor the parent’s – and that there was nothing anyone could have done to prevent it. Offering supportive explanations that ease feelings of guilt and blame, can support the child and parent in moving forward together through this journey with cancer.  

The emotional impact of childhood cancer can be challenging on families and while every family is unique in how it affects them and their lives, Redkite is here to provide the emotional support you need with our counselling services for children and adults.