Resources
Understanding anxiety in children
‘Why do I have the feeling of knots in my tummy?’
Anxiousness? Anxiety? Many articles you read may use the word anxiety and anxiousness interchangeably, so what are the differences?
Feeling anxious is a natural, emotional response to stress. Children will experience anxious situations at some point in their lives. It may be brief or temporary and could be related to a particular event or trigger (1). Anxious feelings can be helpful around motivating or preparing children in new situations (moving to a new school), problem solving (when we may have gotten something wrong) and feelings around worry or anticipation what could happen or happen in the future (receiving treatment following a childhood cancer diagnosis). Anxious feelings could look like sweaty palms, shallow breathing, or racing heart. With anxiousness, these feelings and physical symptoms will pass and generally do not get in the way of your everyday activities and ends when this stressor is gone.
Feelings of anxiety also involve anxiousness, but it can often feel more intense. “The defining thing about anxiety is that the anxious feelings become disproportionate to the stressor” (1). Anxiety can feel like it is hard to handle things and can stop you from doing what you want or need to do. Sometimes, it might be difficult to manage your normal activities of daily living. Anxiety might be challenging to identify in children. It can present in different ways (shy, nervous, avoidant, OR irritable, reactive, controlling of their environment, argumentative, sensitive or withdrawn).
Identifying early signs of anxiousness in children
Common behaviours and cues
Are they experiencing:
How to support a child when they are feeling anxious
Anxiety can be like a storm of worries and fears and it can be very unsettling for children, especially if they have had prior mental health struggles. When your family experiences a childhood cancer diagnosis, you may have already been facing other life stressors that were pre-existing before receiving a cancer diagnosis. It is important to remind yourself that the cancer experience does not exist in isolation; but can be that final stone that adds weight to an already fragile family structure.
But there is also HOPE…Creating a safe and trusted space to talk about these worries or fears is the first step in laying the groundwork to navigate some of these challenges. Below are some steps you can take to guide your child or a child you care for, through their anxious feelings as well as finding ways to cope.
1. Acknowledgment and Validation
Children often look to trusted adults or friends when they are feeling anxious. Giving yourself and the child time and safe space to talk about their feelings and acknowledging and validating how they are feeling builds trust and rapport within that relationship.
2. Empathetic Listening
Taking an active listening role in what a child has to say shows that you are trying to understand their perspective when they are feeling worried or fearful. Even if it’s too difficult to fully understand their struggle, being present in that moment can create positive interaction.
3. Encouragement facing the situation
By gently encouraging and supporting a child to examine and face situations they’re anxious about, can build courage and resilience [2].
4. Praising and fostering a child’s resilience
Praising a child who tries something they have wanted or needed to do, builds on their own resilience. Acknowledging difficult choices your child makes, can bolster self-esteem and teaches valuable lessons about tackling challenging experiences.
5. Avoiding criticism when a child is worried or afraid [2]
Labelling or telling a child NOT to behave in a certain way can be confusing and unsettling for children. Criticism can intensify these negative emotions, potentially making them feel worse, and damage trust between child and carer and impact self-esteem and self-confidence.
6. Model, model, model
Openly modelling and sharing how you manage your own anxious feelings can show children it is normal to feel this way sometimes. Plus some strategies that adults use, might be helpful for children too.
Helpful activities you can do with children when they are feeling anxious
Kite Breathing
Breathing exercises can help children (and other family members) feel calmer and more relaxed. When you slow your breathing down it can help with making good decisions and handling stressful situations. You can teach a child breathing exercises with this simple breathing technique!
Instructions how to use the ‘Kite Breathing’ worksheet
Whilst following the arrows up the kite take a nice deep breath in for 4 seconds, hold for 2 seconds and then exhale all the air out whilst following the arrows down the kite and its tail. Repeat 3 more times. Happy breathing!
Reading books
Reading children’s books about anxiety can help children understand what they’re experiencing and teach them how to identify and better cope with these feelings when they come up. Redkite’s Book Club program which is also available through the Redkite Portal, includes many books that families facing childhood cancer can borrow for free for as long as they like, including ‘I’m Worried‘, ‘The Huge Bag of Worries‘, ‘In My Heart‘, ‘My Many Coloured Days‘ and ‘The Feelings Book‘, which can help them with feelings of anxiousness.
When should you be concerned about anxiety in children?
Most children will have worries and fears of some kind or another. However if you are concerned these fears, worries or anxiety, might be more frequent or increasingly ongoing and they are avoiding daily activities and situations that may provoke these feelings, it might be time to ask for help.
Redkite provides free children’s counselling from the time of diagnosis, throughout treatment, post treatment and beyond. Our social workers personalise sessions to meet the needs of each child, and they can meet with your child as little or as much as you like. They create a fun and safe environment that encourages children to talk about their emotions.
References
- Goecker, Liesl (2019, July 19). The Differences Between Feeling Anxious and Having Anxiety
- Raising Children Network (2023, July 4), Anxiety, Worries and Fears in Children
Request information And support
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