A family’s life comes to a grinding halt when their child is diagnosed with cancer. Going from an active and social lifestyle to living out of a hospital, along with a drastic change in routine can impact relationships with extended family and friends, both positively and negatively.  

A family whose child has gone through cancer may have difficulty connecting with their extended family and friends, and it might be due to feeling isolated and lonely. It can be hard for people who haven’t gone through the childhood cancer experience to understand the heartache experienced.

Nathan recalls the moment when he was told about his son, Ollie’s diagnosis. 

”Finding out Ollie has a brain tumour was devastating. Obviously, you can’t plan for this. When you think cancer, you think it’s life altering, and life changing and, in that instant, my son’s life and his mortality is being brought into question. I just started having those flashes in my brain of how life was about to change.”

Although the family will have a lot going on and limited time to socialise, you can help bring some normality in their lives with small gestures.

Nurture the relationship by keeping in contact 

A family going through the cancer experience may feel like they’re losing or will lose friendships along the way because they haven’t had the time or energy to invest in these relationships. You can reach out to the family members and offer support by:

• Going to their home or the hospital (if possible) and having a cuppa and chat.
• A phone call. A friendly check-in can go a long way, and it can be helpful to bring normalcy to their day.
• Sending a heartfelt message to let them know you’re thinking of them. We suggest avoiding questions which require a response.
• Thinking of them throughout the entire cancer experience. Childhood cancer usually affects a family for a few years and it is common for families to feel abandoned by those around them after the shock of their child’s diagnosis has warn off.

Parents might like to have someone they can talk to or have listen to them outside of their partner or immediate family. Some families are grateful for the practical support they receive. Some parents may not know what they need, but it’s still worth trying to support them. There is no one size fits all. Everyone has different needs.

Adry was diagnosed with testicular cancer in his last year of high school. After his surgery he didn’t have the physical or the mental energy to see or speak to anybody and completely shut himself off from his social network.

“Friends texting saying, ‘Hey, I’m here. You don’t need to respond, but just showing you that my presence is here.’ That was the best. It made me realise, and it reminded me along the way that I wasn’t alone. So just showing up and whatever that looks like is obviously different for other people, but my friends and family showing up was the best way to let me know I wasn’t alone.” 

Socialise in a safe, controlled environment 

When a child returns home after becoming an out-patient or finishing treatment, it can be challenging for parents to go from having round the clock support from medical professionals to having limited support at home. Parents may feel vulnerable and become distressed at the thought of their child socialising with other children or even going out to places with large crowds. This is because a child’s immune system becomes weaker while on treatment. It might take parents a while to work up the courage to venture out to public areas such as playgrounds, parks, or shopping centres.  

Asking if their home or a safe controlled setting is a better place to socialise can take the pressure off of parents. If you are visiting a child who is going through treatment or has finished treatment, you could: 

• Try and make sure you and your child are healthy and have no colds, flus, or viruses.  
• Wash your hands and sanitise when you visit the family to help lower the risk of spreading germs.  
• Talk to your child about how their friend may be feeling so they are prepared to play appropriate games.  
• Let your child know if their friend looks different. They may have lost their hair, or gained or lost weight from treatment. Explain to them why this has happened because it is natural for kids to ask questions.  

Planning an activity with the family ahead of time shows the family your genuine concern and respect towards the needs of the family. 

Christine’s daughter Sophie was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia when she was six. Life as the family know it had changed.   

“It was hard for us to do something as simple as have a play date and invite other children into our home. We didn’t know when we’d have to drop everything and race her into hospital.” 

It is natural for a family to experience apprehension as they navigate their cancer journey towards a new chapter and contemplate what lies ahead. By understanding the cancer experience and the stresses families are under, you can play a vital role in helping to support the family.  

Facing childhood cancer is hard for every member of a family. We are here to give you the information and support you need to help them through this challenging time.