Who can I ask?

You can talk to your parents, carers and family members like grandparents. If you’re visiting the hospital, there’s a social worker there who you can ask too. You can also talk to us and we’ll do our best to answer your questions. If you’re under 14, we’ll need to make sure your parent or carer is okay for us to speak with you.

There aren’t always answers to questions though, or sometimes the answers are hard. Make sure to reach out to somebody you trust if you’re having a hard time.

Feelings & emotions

When your brother or sister has cancer, there’s lot of different things you might feel:

You can start to notice things about your sibling changing, and maybe your family and yourself too. Some of the things you may notice changing while your sibling is getting treatment:

• Your sibling can become very sick during treatment and sometimes that means they can’t hang out with you like they used to
• They may change emotionally and socially, often having to stop going to school and playing sport
• Your parents will be preoccupied with your sibling and their treatment
• You may feel lonely and sad because you can’t spend as much time with your sibling or your parents
• You may feel worried or anxious that your sibling isn’t going to get better, or you could be scared about cancer
• You may feel excluded and jealous that your sibling is getting all the attention. That is normal and you just have to remember it’s because they are unwell and need the doctors, nurses and your parents around them to get them better
• You could feel confused and that is normal. You can ask your parents or other family members questions if you unsure about anything

Just in case this is something you’re worried about: you didn’t cause this and are in no way to blame. Sometimes people think something they said or did caused something bad to happen. But cancer just happens. It is awful, but it’s no one’s fault.

Your parents

There’s a good chance that while your sister or brother is getting treatment you’re not going to see as much of your parents as usual. They might also seem stressed, scared, tired or even angry. This is understandable, but it can be tough for you.

Even though they may seem preoccupied, you can still talk to them about how you’re feeling, as they will still be concerned about how you’re managing. If you need extra help about what to say, you can talk to counsellors at:

Supporting your sibling

There’s a lot you can do to support your sibling. No matter what kind of relationship you have with them at the moment, there’s a good chance they’re going to appreciate you being around. 

They might look different while they’re going through treatment, but treating them the same as always is important. That said, be understanding if they’re feeling tired and unwell, as their treatment might mean they’re low on energy or are in pain sometimes.

“It was a big shock to my family, especially for my brother and sister, who had never experienced anyone in the family going into hospital,” says Rabia. “During treatment, I sort of became the youngest because they would always be watching over me and looking after me.”

Looking after yourself

Just because your brother or sister has cancer doesn’t mean you have to stop being yourself. While life may change in many ways, it can help to try to keep doing some of your regular activities. Don’t feel guilty about getting on with life, they’ll understand. And remember, it really is okay to laugh sometimes.